Relentless by: Peggy

I think age three was my favorite age when the kids were little. They were portable at three. Totally potty trained, they could hang in beyond nap time without a total melt down, and they were inquisitive. I loved the inquisitive stage: everything was a new adventure, a new discovery. It was fun!

You know what I mean: They’d ask a question, like: “Mommy, why is the sky blue?” I would answer: “because that’s the way God made it”.  “oohhh…” they would say, as if they thought I was the wisest woman ever born who just imparted the secrets of the universe to them!  I loved that!

Somehow, though, it seemed that child number three was never satisfied with the “WWIW (wisest woman in the world)” answer. A typical conversation with her would go more like this:

# 3: “Mommy, why is the sky blue?”

WWIW: “ Because that’s the way God made it”

#3: “But why did He make it blue?”

WWIW: “ I guess because that’s his favorite color”

#3: “But then why did He make the grass green if blue is His favorite color?”

WWIW: (sigh)…”Because green is His favorite color for grass”

#3: “ Well, how come some grass is brown?”

WWIW: (bigger sigh) “ Because maybe it needs water”

#3: “If it had water it would turn green?”

WWIW: “Yes”

#3: “well, how does that happen, because my book says the ocean is blue, and the ocean is water, so if the ocean is blue, why doesn’t it turn the grass blue like the sky?”

Sidebar: this is a recall of a real conversation!

WWIW: “God made everything very colorful for us to enjoy. He made the grass green and the sky blue and the water whatever color you want to call it. He made flowers all different colors and the rainbow all different colors. God likes colors. He’s God and can make anything any color He wants, because he wants all people to enjoy colors.”

#3: “well, then if God made all colors, and He made all people, then why did He make some people blind so they can’t see the colors?”

WWIW: (talking through my teeth now) “ok, that’s it! I can’t answer any more of your questions about colors—do you understand me? Don’t ask me one more question about colors! The sky is blue and the grass is green because God said so. That’s it—get it? No more questions about colors!! If you have any more questions about colors, ask Daddy; or Grandmom—just don’t ask me, do you understand?? ”

A moment of silence…then:

#3: “Mommy? I promise it’s not a question about colors”

WWIW: “ sigh…ok, what is it?

#3: “Is God a boy or a girl?”

You get the idea.   She was never satisfied with an incomplete answer, even at age three. All sides of the question had to be investigated and analyzed. She showed no mercy, and took no prisoners. She was relentless. She didn’t stop until she got answers that satisfied her unending font of curiosity. It was frustrating and wonderful all at the same time.

It was wonderful to see this little mind at work in such a unique way. It was frustrating because no matter what, I could never seem to satisfy her curiosity. I was always just one answer short.

When I choose topics for this blog, I always pray and ask God what He would like us to write about this time. The word “relentless” was resounding in my heart and mind. I smiled as I immediately was reminded of the many conversations with that inquisitive mind. I never knew what was in store for me in the weeks leading up to the submission of this blog post.

A dear girlfriend of mine passed away quite suddenly a few weeks ago. We had a history in Christian service together, and I was her Maid of Honor at her wedding 18 years ago. She was a friend, a confidant and a very special person. It was completely unexpected, and saddened me beyond belief.

Five days after her funeral, still reeling, I came home from work to see Jim sitting in a chair, a strange look on his face.‘What’s wrong?” I asked, never expecting him to say: “We have another funeral to go to.”

His lifelong, best friend, the little boy born on the same street as he, only ten days earlier, the one who he grew up beside, raised like brothers, had died suddenly from a heart attack that morning. The man who was our Best Man, our son’s Godfather, the kids’ Uncle John, was no more.

Bam!! Sucker punched again! I didn’t think I had another tear left in me, yet the fountain flowed. I felt inconsolable. Even worse, except for the death of his mother,  I can’t remember ever seeing my husband so sad, and my heart broke yet again, for him.

My job, for which I was hired part-time, suddenly exploded, and, in the midst of two gut-wrenching losses, I found myself working over fifty hours a week.  One week was sixty two hours, another fifty six.

I somehow got a rupture on the ligament of my thumb, was in incredible pain 24/7, found myself wearing a brace, and wound up getting cortisone shots in the thumb joints just to try to gain back some mobility.

And, there was more.  I just won’t bore you with it.

Relentless.

There are times in life when people can be incessant, nonstop, and persistent. This can be a good thing, as we are stretched and grow with our interactions with others. We learn patience and tolerance. It helps us get to really know one another, and we learn from each other.

There are also time in life when circumstances can be punishing, sustained, unabated, and unstoppable. It is what it is, and we just have to go through it. But the results are the same: we are stretched and grow, albeit painfully, and we learn.

Through it all, though, no matter what, we don’t  go through it alone. As relentless as life can seem to be, no matter what the circumstances, the steadfast love of God never ceases.

Do you have a child that challenges you, makes you think you will never be good enough? God is there to say: “ I chose you to be her mother—there is no one better suited in the entire world.” Imagine that! When you bring God into the equation, you discover who you were meant to be.

Are circumstances beyond your control that are affecting your life? Sometimes you just want it to stop. In those times, just look up and change your perspective. Life is life, and sometimes it sucks, but in those times, try to think of the bigger picture. Think of the Lord, and all that He has done. Think of how much He loves you, how He chose you to be the apple of His eye.

I am still sad. I am finding that at times grief wants to overtake me. I fight it. I refuse to give in to that. You see, if I try to rationalize it or figure it out, I am always one answer short.

Instead, I pray Psalm 136: 23 – 26. And I realize, I don’t have to figure it out. I just have to go through it, but I am not alone. And for that, I am forever grateful.

23 It is he who remembered us in our low estate,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
24 and rescued us from our foes,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
25 he who gives food to all flesh,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

26 Give thanks to the God of heaven,
for his steadfast love endures forever.

English Standard Version (ESV) The Holy Bible, English Standard Version Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a division of Good News Publishers.

4 thoughts on “Relentless by: Peggy

  1. Love your stories about family. Praying for you guys, the picture of the bride on a battlefield has to resonate with you. Danielle is in tears everytime she shares it. I would love to see someone paint that picture. Tom really feels for Jim, he has lost two of his best friends. Its like losing a limb. Life is hard, its just harder without Jesus. Love yas, andrea

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  2. So very sorry for your loss. Like you said, sometimes life just sucks. We just weren’t built for such things such as death and all that it encompasses. It can seem as though God’s relentless love is the only thing that gives a bit of peace amidst the suffering. Be Blessed Sister 🙂

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