Tag Archives: Exposed

Exposed by Peggy

Exposed.  The very word invokes thoughts of discomfort; even pain.  Have you ever had an exposed nerve in a tooth, or an exposed wound?  I shudder to think of it! Even worse than physical pain is the emotional and mental anguish that some feel they may experience if things they keep hidden are exposed.

I’ve never felt that I am pretty.  Never.  In fact, there is probably only one day in my entire life that I can say that I actually did feel pretty.  That’s just the truth of it. The truth of my feelings.   As a little girl I was abnormally skinny,  wore glasses and, when very young, couldn’t hear well at all.  I was the weird little nerdy one who seemed to be completely introverted (when you can’t see and can’t hear, isolation becomes a place of comfort).  Even so, I have always been surrounded a loving family (who never made me feel like I was “less” than anyone else), and by friends—some life-long—that are beautiful, inside and out.

I don’t really know when those feelings of insecurity about my looks began, but those feelings followed me into my teen years. I found the way to make friends was to have a good sense of humor, and just kind of pretend that I was as pretty as everyone else.   It’s funny how teenagers think about things: I figured as long as I acted like I was pretty, and other girls hung out with me anyway, then no one would really know how ugly I was, how terribly ugly I felt.  Every. Day.

In my teen-aged mind, one of my biggest fears was that everyone would discover the “real” me, see me for the fraud I was, and know that I was ugly.  As irrational as that sounds, it was a real fear, and a mighty heavy burden. I truly believed I was unlovely.  So, I just went merrily along, acting like everyone else, enjoying and truly treasuring my friendships.  Suppressing the ever-present nagging deep inside that I was only wearing the mask of what I considered “normal”, I was terrified that one day my hidden ugliness would show itself.

As the years wore on, and adulthood happened, I settled into a place of comfort with myself, making peace that I am who I am. People seemed to like me. My husband loved me, we somehow managed to bring three truly beautiful little people into the world whom I loved beyond anything I could ever think or imagine, so, no worries.  Until one day, it happened.

I was in my thirties, happy and content as we were raising our kids, living a good, American life.  Very involved in our church, we spent a lot of time there and a lot of our fellowship and social life revolved around the programs and people within the church.  One day a friend from church and I went shopping to get some clothes for an upcoming event.

As we were trying on clothes, she looked at me and said:  “You know, that doesn’t do anything for you at all. In fact, I’m just going to say it, Peggy, that you need a whole new look!  You’re really pretty plain, and the clothes you wear just accentuate that.  You should wear things that make you look better.”

Yes, she said it.  And there I was: exposed.  If she knew I wasn’t pretty, then so did everyone else.  As usual, I laughed it off and made fun of myself, which was the only coping mechanism I had in place.  But when I was home alone, it hit me.  I was mortified, embarrassed, self-conscious, and terribly hurt.  I don’t think I would ever say anything like that to anyone. All of the old insecurities about not being delightfully cute resurfaced.  ugh.

It was also one of those life-changing moments for me.  As I contemplated the scene (rehashing it over and over again in my mind is more like it!), I came to realize that it wasn’t me that was exposed, but she.  She let slip from her mouth something she probably thought many times, all while being part of my company of friends. I came to think that she had a far greater problem than I ever did.

I had gotten over the feelings of self-loathing years before.  As my life evolved, I found that my friends were true and just didn’t look at me the same way I did when looking in a mirror.  They loved me; it was  that simple.  My family, husband, kids: they all loved me.  That simple.  God?  He loves me.  That simple.

I don’t know why that girl sought me out and made me her friend.  Maybe she could only see the 2-dimensional mirror image of my lack of physical beauty, and she made me her project.  Maybe I was someone she thought she could transform.  The thing was, by that time in my life, I didn’t need to be transformed.  I was not a caterpillar needing someone to break me from my cocoon and turn me into a beautiful butterfly.  I was happy, content, and quite at peace with myself.

I have not held that incident against her, although our relationship did change a bit.  She really seemed to have no clue that her words stung like viper bites.  She was exposed, and I realized that even though her physical beauty was far greater than mine, she must have been hiding some terrible insecurities of her own.  For me it was a point of growth.  I learned how not to act, how not to be.  I learned that if I didn’t want to hurt someone, I needed to reflect on myself often and allow God to change my heart and attitude as well.  I needed to always strive to be a better person.  I began to look at people with different eyes. I needed to forgive her, and I did.  I need to be light in darkness, and not allow darkness in any form to overtake me or become the rudder of my ship.

I won’t say I don’t still struggle with the mirror a bit.  I couldn’t bring myself to put a picture of myself on my book, my website or my blog.  I cringe when someone else posts a picture of me on social media. There are very few good pictures of me, and the thoughts of sitting for a photographer gives me knots in my stomach.  BUT, I do not allow those feelings to overtake me.   I realize that when I think like that, I am hurting God, who made me as I am, and who loves me unconditionally, and has provided me with a truly blessed life.  I guess, in the end, it’s really all a matter of perspective, isn’t it?

 “And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:38, 39

Exposed by Ronda

There are many thoughts that come to mind when you read or hear the word “exposed”. There are quite a few directions that one could go in discussing the word, both positive and negative in connotation. However, I am going to go with my first impression from the Spirit when we received the topic for this month. Hopefully, you will get a picture of what the Spirit is saying through what I am going to share.

The Road to Emmaus- Luke 24:13-32

This testimony of scripture is one the most peculiar accounts of the manifested resurrected Christ. The day of Christ’s resurrection, he appeared in visible form to several of his disciples. Most believers are familiar with the accounts: Mary Magdalene, Peter and John and the two disciples traveling the road to Emmaus.

Cleopas and an unnamed disciple are traveling to Emmaus, stunned by the recent events of Jesus’ death and missing body. (They were not absolutely convinced Jesus had resurrected). This account is so peculiar because the two disciples did not recognize Jesus as he talked and walked with them. The disciples could not believe that Jesus was unaware of what had taken place in Jerusalem. However, when Jesus began to explain to them why the events of the past few days were prophetic in nature and necessary- they still did not recognize him! He spoke to them about the Messianic prophecies that had to be fulfilled. He expounded the scriptures to them in a way that amazed them. Yet they did not recognize him.

This is very interesting. What was it about Jesus’ appearance made them fail to recognize who he was? Remember these were disciples.

The disciples did not recognize who he was until he sat with them and broke bread, saying the blessing over the bread! Once they realized it was him, he disappeared as quickly as he had appeared to them on the road. Why is this account in the good book? There are NO coincidences in scripture. EVERY WORD, JOT AND TITTLE has meaning and purpose. What might the Spirit be revealing through this resurrection sighting of Jesus? What might it have to do with the word “exposed”?

This post is a rumination of the scripture account. I am not sure why the account is included in scripture but as I ponder the account there are certain aspects of the story that seem interesting.

Is there a possibility that a disciple of Christ might not recognize him or let’s say his action in the earth? Scary thought but it is right there in scripture. They did not recognize Jesus. He had manifested in a way that was not readily discernible.

We are living in a time when discernment is a necessity. Even with this precious gift and the indwelling of the Spirit, there is still a real chance of imperfect perception or inaccurate

discernment. The two disciples did not readily recognize Jesus, but after he disappeared one said to the other…did not our hearts burn within us as he expounded the scriptures. Selah.

As the resurrected Christ spoke to believers who were without the indwelling of the Spirit, their hearts burned within them as thy heard his words. I kept pondering this, rolling it over in my spirit and wondering what about this biblical account speaks to being “exposed”.

Being exposed can be either a positive or a negative and it is seen both ways in this account. Jesus is exposed in a positive way and the disciples are exposed in a negative way. Jesus shows us that he has the power of the Spirit to conceal and to reveal. The disciples show us how easy it is for us to not perceive and have our ignorance exposed. The disciples remind us of how important it is for our perception to be based on the witness of the Spirit within. The burning on the inside of our spirit is there for a reason. As we see him as he truly is, the Spirit will bear witness with our spirit. And what if that witness is not there? Then proceed with caution because there is the chance of being exposed.

Everything that is hidden will be revealed.